Power thoughts at 3 nearly 4 A.M.

Can't sleep still. 

Up praying on things that I must have prayed on at least 10 times just today. 

My mind races like horses, caged and spurred and ready to run as soon as I open the doors. So I keep them shut. I keep the race doors shut so my horses don't fly out frantically. I guess you could say I'm holding my horses. 

The problem is that these horses keep kicking the doors, neighing, demanding I pay attention to them. 

Why?

Who's next?

Was I?

Am I?

When?

Why?

My mind often feels like a race track in which many thoughts are competing to be the one that sways me, the one that wins me over. 

I'm learning that the fastest thought shouldn't always be the one that we act on. 

And I don't mean just the first thought off the line, I mean the first one to recross the line. 

You see,

Normally,

In a race that thought would be the winner, it started with the others and it ran its full circle and came back to me first. 

Sometimes the worst thoughts come to us the quickest. Sometimes the worst thoughts we have, we are the best at having. 

Thoughts are a very powerful thing. 

I've pictured things in my head and feared them, and most all of them have come to be. 

We empower the world around us with our fears and hopes. 

We speak life. 

We speak death. 

Sometimes we just speak.

I'm learning to become aware of when I just speak. I'm trying to pay attention to where my heart is while I'm speaking. 

I love. 

I believe.

I hope. 

I dream. 

I bleed. 

I cry. 

I spit. 

I tire. 

I fear. 

I fight. 

I am real. 

And I will not fade away. 

I am more than just a memory,

And so are you. 

Remember 

Who

You

Are.