Power thoughts at 3 nearly 4 A.M.

Can't sleep still. 

Up praying on things that I must have prayed on at least 10 times just today. 

My mind races like horses, caged and spurred and ready to run as soon as I open the doors. So I keep them shut. I keep the race doors shut so my horses don't fly out frantically. I guess you could say I'm holding my horses. 

The problem is that these horses keep kicking the doors, neighing, demanding I pay attention to them. 

Why?

Who's next?

Was I?

Am I?

When?

Why?

My mind often feels like a race track in which many thoughts are competing to be the one that sways me, the one that wins me over. 

I'm learning that the fastest thought shouldn't always be the one that we act on. 

And I don't mean just the first thought off the line, I mean the first one to recross the line. 

You see,

Normally,

In a race that thought would be the winner, it started with the others and it ran its full circle and came back to me first. 

Sometimes the worst thoughts come to us the quickest. Sometimes the worst thoughts we have, we are the best at having. 

Thoughts are a very powerful thing. 

I've pictured things in my head and feared them, and most all of them have come to be. 

We empower the world around us with our fears and hopes. 

We speak life. 

We speak death. 

Sometimes we just speak.

I'm learning to become aware of when I just speak. I'm trying to pay attention to where my heart is while I'm speaking. 

I love. 

I believe.

I hope. 

I dream. 

I bleed. 

I cry. 

I spit. 

I tire. 

I fear. 

I fight. 

I am real. 

And I will not fade away. 

I am more than just a memory,

And so are you. 

Remember 

Who

You

Are. 

What people see

It's amazing how people see what they want to see. 

It doesn't matter who you are, 

What you do,

The way you do it. 

People see it how they want. 

One thing you do in love can be viewed in hate. 

Their brokenness in life can alter their point of view, because someone did something so hate filled so evil they associate that with others, they see what they want. 

I love hard.

Sometimes I feel like I'm one man up against the world.

I try every single day to do everything I do in love and to be the best person I can be. 

I think that freaks people out. I don't think the world is use to someone who actually gives a damn. 

Well damn it I do. 

I've had people tell me, 

"I never want to be one of those girls who hurt you" 

Or 

"You see this tree in front of me it's just an obstacle, I'm always right there, you've just got to look beyond it." 

And they end up trying to tie a tag around my toe thinking since I'm dead to them I should be dead to me too and planting forests between us telling me to get lost. 

Death isn't a bad thing. I mean I don't crave it, I'm not suggesting it, but it's moving on. From death there is life. 

Sometimes I hold onto things that are dying in my life so hard that I cut my hand with my fingernails and the thing I'm holding has completely disappeared when I open my hand. 

I'm a magician of sorts. 

When all you have with a person is words, it's very easy to be misread.

I doubt a lot of things, I have questioned my faith before, but I know who I am. 

I am Joseph, child of God, a difference maker. 

No one can take that from me. 

My broken heart has been turned in to the lord and he will give me a new one, a better one. 

And trust me I'll break it again, because id rather break my heart a billion times sharing it, than keep it all to myself and not let anyone see the beauty of love.  

Storms ahead.

There are 

7,373,668,565 people in the world and before i was finished writing this sentence that number has grown.

The crazy part to me is that we find one person and they make the other 7.3 billion people fade away.

Life moves pretty fast, and before you know it you'll be looking back at it instead of squinting at it ahead of you.

I've began to learn that there is 

absolutely no reason to be angry.

I mean I gets sadness,

I understand it.

Sometimes I would like to be angry.

Sometimes I want to get mad.

But there is no point to it.

It accomplishes nothing

but the opposite of everything

you want. 

I've been given the opportunity to be a lot of things in my life. Somethings I've been I'm not exactly proud of, other things I know I was the best I could be. 

I've been betrayed by almost every single person I know, 

I can count on one hand the amount of people I know who haven't betrayed me, 

and on the other hand I can count the number of people I have betrayed. 

But i still lift up both my hands to pray. 

Every single one of us has betrayed someone at some point. At least I think so. 

and everyone has been betrayed by someone at some point. I think i know so.

and if I'm really real, its going to happen again. and again. and probably again. 

But the only thing we can do, is control ourselves. 

We have no right to control other people

they are going to do

what they are going to do.

I have my battles and you have yours.

I have gotten to the point in my life where i no longer 

care to be anything but myself and the best form of that

that i can be.

I don't know what the next step is, 

but i trust my father in heaven that i won't miss my mark

I don't know what i am supposed to be to anyone.

but i trust that my father in heaven will show me.

Out of all the people in the world for some reason the Lord showed me

you.

I don't have the remedy to your broken heart, and i don't have the answer.

and i don't have much money.

But i have faith

Wherever you are, 

whatever you do.

I will not be angry.

For the Lord himself,

stands beside me.

and i am calm.

Full moon

I'm just a man who never deserved her love. 

Her love came rushing in like the wind 

Taking my clothes with it and leaving me naked 

Just as I was when I came into this world. 

I was born again in the wind she howled

 she blew me away and I think I found myself

With the whip of the wind I tried desperately to grab onto something, anything that was familiar but there was nothing for me to hold. 

So I let go

Letting go of all the things that once kept me stable is where I found balance

Letting go letting go

But what about tomorrow my storm clouds thunder

But what about yesterday my tear drops tap on the floor

Now. 

Today. 

Now. 

That is my answer. 

Void of life and dried up dreams. 

This moon begs me to look at it. Implores me with its open eye

Full and complete making me feel empty and alone. 

It has all it needs. making me feel as if I will never be as complete as he tonight. 

But what I must remember is that come two weeks he will be but a sliver. 

I'm the dead man walking when the moon is full. 

The full moon drains all my life and leaves me to my body.

Telling me To do with it what I wish. 

Laughing cynically at my torment that he illuminates so well

The moon looks at me

 or rather

 I look at it 

and I see it at its fullest

 and now I remember 

It is only but a reflection. 

Blood

Blood. 

Bloody trickling tricky thing. 

Pour it out baby and watch your life slip into the pools you spill. 

Blood is but a s h a d e away from darkness. 

Blood is life within life. 

Rivers in our arms flowing throughout our bodies and pumping into our brains.

Its in our thoughts. 

Blood it's something you can share with some but not with all. 

We've all got different types you see?

 just like we all have our different personalities.

 and our own unique traits. 

We're compatible with some but not with all.

We reject some because they aren't what we need,

We get no life from them.

We tend to take the most from those who give the most (O+)

but blood, well its not all just life and death.

Blood is beautiful.

how i learned that:

When I held your hand

 and felt yours rushing Inbetween my fingers,

 pumping almost like a dance,

a dance orchestrated

to the song of our souls.

 I know my blood is meant for you. 

And I know your blood is meant for me. 

maybe thats why they call it

Bloody love baby.

Broken Mirrors

All of these reflections.

To me its rather strange how we all see something different when we look into a mirror.

For instance when we walk down the busy streets and we see a lot of faces,
its in those momentary glances that we appreciate a (falsely perceived) unadulterated beauty.

We don't get lost in the whos and whats,
 We dont get deluded perspectives of who someone is presently due to their past.
It is momentary of course. 

now adays,
The more we see someone the less we see someone,
if we allow it.

We start seeing their pain,
Their problems,
their flaws,
their inability.
 Their insufficiency.
 Their weakness.

Because you see, its easy to love a moment, but its hard to love a lifetime.

When you separate someone from who they are, we objectify them. 
When we fall in love with the outward beauty we often miss the beauty within.

Mirrors, well they are, they are not reflections, not anymore, they're insecurities.

We see ourselves everyday, some more than others, but at some point we all look into that mirror to judge ourselves. 

When we look at a mirror its never to see whats right with us, 
its to pick out whats wrong with us. 
What we need to fix.

 We spend so much time critiquing our reflections and picking out what we don't like that we forget what we do enjoy.
We miss our freckles and crescent moon grins, 
We darken the glow of the light in our eyes.

 Girls put on makeup because they've seen their face so many times
that they are tired of it.
and they feel this need,
this deep disposition
to change themselves.

Mirror Mirror on the wall, oh i wish that you would fall,
Mirror Mirror on the wall, why do you lie to us all?

If it wasnt for the judgement of others, 
would we be so hard on ourselves?

If we didn't have all these momentary glances would she still spend hours in the mirror trying to change herself for no one; but everyone at the same time?

I'm different. At least I think so.

For me, when i see someone more, i don't disintegrate them. I dont see their beauty dissolve, I just find more of them. I just find more reasons to love them.

Whoever hears me, please, just try, just try to look at that mirror, and don't look for a flaw; look for something you like.

God bless you. Much love my friends and 
i believe in you.
i believe that you,
right there with your screen brightly glowing my words,
can break your mirrors.

Christendom: the worldwide body or society of Christians; the Christian world.

I believe that arguably the biggest fault in The Christendom is that the self has become the

center

Instead of love thy neighbor like you love thy self. 

It became love thy self and tolerate your neighbor.

Instead of do unto others that which you would would have them do unto you.
It's become do for self what you would want others to do for you.
 
People have stopped following Jesus and have started directing him.
 
Telling him where to go, 
where to show up, 
how to show up,
What to wear,
 and then getting upset when they feel like He isn't fitting into their puzzle. 
 
It's twisted man.

 Its so sad to me that these people have the kingdom of heaven at hand
 and all the desires of our hearts
 w a i t i n g to be handed to us from the Father  
through Christ
 but they miss it…

They just miss it man

They get lost in themselves and what they want, 
thinking this is what will make me happy, 
this marriage, 
this car, 
this house, 
living there,
not living here, 
and they forget the simplest most vital part of Christianity. 

 
Follow me.