Storms ahead.

There are 

7,373,668,565 people in the world and before i was finished writing this sentence that number has grown.

The crazy part to me is that we find one person and they make the other 7.3 billion people fade away.

Life moves pretty fast, and before you know it you'll be looking back at it instead of squinting at it ahead of you.

I've began to learn that there is 

absolutely no reason to be angry.

I mean I gets sadness,

I understand it.

Sometimes I would like to be angry.

Sometimes I want to get mad.

But there is no point to it.

It accomplishes nothing

but the opposite of everything

you want. 

I've been given the opportunity to be a lot of things in my life. Somethings I've been I'm not exactly proud of, other things I know I was the best I could be. 

I've been betrayed by almost every single person I know, 

I can count on one hand the amount of people I know who haven't betrayed me, 

and on the other hand I can count the number of people I have betrayed. 

But i still lift up both my hands to pray. 

Every single one of us has betrayed someone at some point. At least I think so. 

and everyone has been betrayed by someone at some point. I think i know so.

and if I'm really real, its going to happen again. and again. and probably again. 

But the only thing we can do, is control ourselves. 

We have no right to control other people

they are going to do

what they are going to do.

I have my battles and you have yours.

I have gotten to the point in my life where i no longer 

care to be anything but myself and the best form of that

that i can be.

I don't know what the next step is, 

but i trust my father in heaven that i won't miss my mark

I don't know what i am supposed to be to anyone.

but i trust that my father in heaven will show me.

Out of all the people in the world for some reason the Lord showed me

you.

I don't have the remedy to your broken heart, and i don't have the answer.

and i don't have much money.

But i have faith

Wherever you are, 

whatever you do.

I will not be angry.

For the Lord himself,

stands beside me.

and i am calm.

Full moon

I'm just a man who never deserved her love. 

Her love came rushing in like the wind 

Taking my clothes with it and leaving me naked 

Just as I was when I came into this world. 

I was born again in the wind she howled

 she blew me away and I think I found myself

With the whip of the wind I tried desperately to grab onto something, anything that was familiar but there was nothing for me to hold. 

So I let go

Letting go of all the things that once kept me stable is where I found balance

Letting go letting go

But what about tomorrow my storm clouds thunder

But what about yesterday my tear drops tap on the floor

Now. 

Today. 

Now. 

That is my answer. 

Void of life and dried up dreams. 

This moon begs me to look at it. Implores me with its open eye

Full and complete making me feel empty and alone. 

It has all it needs. making me feel as if I will never be as complete as he tonight. 

But what I must remember is that come two weeks he will be but a sliver. 

I'm the dead man walking when the moon is full. 

The full moon drains all my life and leaves me to my body.

Telling me To do with it what I wish. 

Laughing cynically at my torment that he illuminates so well

The moon looks at me

 or rather

 I look at it 

and I see it at its fullest

 and now I remember 

It is only but a reflection. 

Blood

Blood. 

Bloody trickling tricky thing. 

Pour it out baby and watch your life slip into the pools you spill. 

Blood is but a s h a d e away from darkness. 

Blood is life within life. 

Rivers in our arms flowing throughout our bodies and pumping into our brains.

Its in our thoughts. 

Blood it's something you can share with some but not with all. 

We've all got different types you see?

 just like we all have our different personalities.

 and our own unique traits. 

We're compatible with some but not with all.

We reject some because they aren't what we need,

We get no life from them.

We tend to take the most from those who give the most (O+)

but blood, well its not all just life and death.

Blood is beautiful.

how i learned that:

When I held your hand

 and felt yours rushing Inbetween my fingers,

 pumping almost like a dance,

a dance orchestrated

to the song of our souls.

 I know my blood is meant for you. 

And I know your blood is meant for me. 

maybe thats why they call it

Bloody love baby.

Broken Mirrors

All of these reflections.

To me its rather strange how we all see something different when we look into a mirror.

For instance when we walk down the busy streets and we see a lot of faces,
its in those momentary glances that we appreciate a (falsely perceived) unadulterated beauty.

We don't get lost in the whos and whats,
 We dont get deluded perspectives of who someone is presently due to their past.
It is momentary of course. 

now adays,
The more we see someone the less we see someone,
if we allow it.

We start seeing their pain,
Their problems,
their flaws,
their inability.
 Their insufficiency.
 Their weakness.

Because you see, its easy to love a moment, but its hard to love a lifetime.

When you separate someone from who they are, we objectify them. 
When we fall in love with the outward beauty we often miss the beauty within.

Mirrors, well they are, they are not reflections, not anymore, they're insecurities.

We see ourselves everyday, some more than others, but at some point we all look into that mirror to judge ourselves. 

When we look at a mirror its never to see whats right with us, 
its to pick out whats wrong with us. 
What we need to fix.

 We spend so much time critiquing our reflections and picking out what we don't like that we forget what we do enjoy.
We miss our freckles and crescent moon grins, 
We darken the glow of the light in our eyes.

 Girls put on makeup because they've seen their face so many times
that they are tired of it.
and they feel this need,
this deep disposition
to change themselves.

Mirror Mirror on the wall, oh i wish that you would fall,
Mirror Mirror on the wall, why do you lie to us all?

If it wasnt for the judgement of others, 
would we be so hard on ourselves?

If we didn't have all these momentary glances would she still spend hours in the mirror trying to change herself for no one; but everyone at the same time?

I'm different. At least I think so.

For me, when i see someone more, i don't disintegrate them. I dont see their beauty dissolve, I just find more of them. I just find more reasons to love them.

Whoever hears me, please, just try, just try to look at that mirror, and don't look for a flaw; look for something you like.

God bless you. Much love my friends and 
i believe in you.
i believe that you,
right there with your screen brightly glowing my words,
can break your mirrors.

Christendom: the worldwide body or society of Christians; the Christian world.

I believe that arguably the biggest fault in The Christendom is that the self has become the

center

Instead of love thy neighbor like you love thy self. 

It became love thy self and tolerate your neighbor.

Instead of do unto others that which you would would have them do unto you.
It's become do for self what you would want others to do for you.
 
People have stopped following Jesus and have started directing him.
 
Telling him where to go, 
where to show up, 
how to show up,
What to wear,
 and then getting upset when they feel like He isn't fitting into their puzzle. 
 
It's twisted man.

 Its so sad to me that these people have the kingdom of heaven at hand
 and all the desires of our hearts
 w a i t i n g to be handed to us from the Father  
through Christ
 but they miss it…

They just miss it man

They get lost in themselves and what they want, 
thinking this is what will make me happy, 
this marriage, 
this car, 
this house, 
living there,
not living here, 
and they forget the simplest most vital part of Christianity. 

 
Follow me.

Wayward Son

What do you want?

What do you want?

Am i doing this right?

Is this okay?

My mind is an oasis of peace where birds sing and the sun never sets but there's always sunsets.

I found joy all alone, because i had no one tangible.

no one to reach out to and grab into my arms.

No one to tell me hey its alright, i know what you're going through, and its okay.

I spent hours on my knees before i had the strength to stand up.

I had so many hurts that they didn't hurt.

so much dirt in my eyes that i had to learn to see in the dark.

I don't go to many people, 

I don't follow celebrities and I don't call many people my friends.

Don't get me wrong, i am many peoples friend. 

I'll be there for you when you need me to, even if you won't do the same.

 Its part of what i believe in.

you're part of what i believe in

But shit. 

i don't know what you want.

i don't know how to be there for you

i don't know how to find you

i don't know what I'm doing right or wrong anymore.

Remember that Oasis i talked about.

well the waters have been poisoned. 

the trees are withering and the sand is sinking.

I want nothing more but to take a swim in the warm waters i once knew.

I want to swim with you, like we have.

But I no longer know where my oasis with you is. 

Maybe the waters have dried and I'm drifting through deserts chasing 

caliginous memories.

but i dip my toes in the water when i close my eyes 

and i remember where and who started this.

I hope, no i pray, that you and me can go down into the river.

But I'm starting to doubt you'd go in with me even if i found it.

I don't know whats to come, I'm not as certain as i once was.

but i certainly know that my love for you has not changed.

But the way i see your love certainly has.

call me dramatic, and as i do love the theatre,

 as does every play have an end,

and I've raised my hands because i'm not the writer just the pen.

but I've run out of ink.

and i've got to many thoughts I've ought to think.

and although i think you are the one for me

I'm beginning to read your pages over, and overly overwhelmingly I am beginning to see

that maybe I am not the one for you.

my love, my love will never change,

just only grow, thats why we grew to call it Toe

but now i read these pages and weep under the willow,

 as i wonder if i was to let you go,

If you'd find the feeling you felt for me but inevitably 

planted in the snow, 

these red curtains close but i don't know if its just a scene

 or the ending to our show

is this goodbye or is this hello?

You're a fighter kid.

We all have battles.

It's really obvious, at least to me, that we're all facing something.

Whether its bills, loved ones, or thyself we all got something that's going on. 
I'm at a point in my life where my gloves are ripping and my face is bloody.

I've got a lot of people telling me that they see greatness in me, but it doesn't really matter until i see it. 

I'm in the ring fighting and fighting but the part that snares me is that I don't want to fight.
I guess you could call it a cage fight. 
I read in a good book that it's the meek who inherit the world. 
well what if i don't want the world and I'm still meek? 
what do i have to gain but memories and scars? 

Sometimes,
we all feel like we're running out of strength but gaining weights.
and i remember Hercules told me that 
"a true hero isn't measured in the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart. " 

and well i have a big heart.
 But i read somewhere that only God sees a mans heart.

I don't have much that I cling to but what I do, i cling to hard.
i guess what I'm saying is that i don't have a lot i fight for,
but what i do fight for, i fight for a lot.

I was taught empathy and compassion by my Father, yes my dad did a great job raising me, but he is not who I'm calling Father right now.

If you haven't gotten it by now I love God. 
in fact he's the only thing I truly trust and if you are agitated by my belief in God than I'm sorry
but anger and agitation over love is truly evil.

what I'm getting at is that we have battles, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and its not about how much strength we exhibit in battle. Its about our cause, about our willingness to get up, and its about what makes us get back up.

I promise you that i would have heard the eternal Ref counting to three while i slip into the darkness of unconsciousness a long time ago if it was not for something bigger than myself.

I've been through a lot, and i've been through a lot less than some others. I don't compare my trials and turmoil to others because its not fair to them or to myself because undeniably the things we feel are real to us. These things may be sourced from deception and lies, but the responsibility of feeling them and handling them will forever be a real thing.

I don't have much left to say but I truly pray that you don't give up. shit i don't even know you but I'm still praying for you. When i pray for people I've never met i often wonder if I'm the only person who thinks and feels the way i do... and I'm starting to think i am. 
but thats alright,
 because God made us all different and thats what makes us so individually special to him. 

I'll stop preaching but if I give you guys an inch today of who i am, its that I'm inexplicably passionate.  And that my passion is what makes me live, and my passion is what kills me.

whatever you battle today, do not give up. you're not weak, you're not broken, and you're not done. 
Keep fighting and dodge those uppercuts, there is nothing wrong with getting hit, but theres something abominable in giving up.