Love is ____

Falling in love is a moment. 

It's a million of them. 

It's giving the last piece of bread when your stomach isn't full.

And if it's real, who you give it to will rip it in half and hand half of it back. 

Falling in love isn't an instant but an instance, it happens in just a moment, but it's more than just looking at someone's smile and being infatuated with them, it's looking at them, knowing why they're smiling and feeling your soul grin. 

Love is a whitewashed, handy down, worn down, blown out word. 

I believe that my generation specifically has forgotten what words mean. 

It's Fire means it's good

Being savage makes your cool

We are changing, more than just our language, but us as individuals. 

Everyone always says hate is a strong word, well I say love is a stronger one. 

People should stop falling in love and start jumping into it. 

Don't love someone because of "the moment" but love every moment with someone. 

Learn to be in love, by first learning what love means. 

You don't learn what love means by looking up the definition. Love is not literature. 

You can't memorize it. 

Whatever your definition of love is, it's not it. 

I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying that love is no one thing, it's either everything or nothing. 

Love is life and it's also s lifestyle. 

You are love. 

You are hate. 

You are whatever you choose to be. 

Giving away your love is the only way that you can keep it. 

Learn how to love, by giving it without getting it. 

Learn how to love by asking only what others need. 

Learn how to love by expecting nothing and going above expectations. 

Learn to love by forgetting its definition, and becoming it. 

Our soul

We are all of one soul. 

We all have many unique personalities and characters. 

But we share the same soul. The soul of the universe the soul of the creator. 

We are all individually  unique special and beautiful. 

And our soul is just as unique special and beautiful,

But it's all of the same source. 

A leaf off the same branch. 

The thing is, although we share the same soul, all of us, it's just an amazing, wonderful depiction of the illimitable complexity of our wonderful Father. 

It's a delineation of how multifarious God is. 

All of  our souls are unique but the same because they are just portions, fractions, pieces of the collective soul of God, the creator, the universe, love and all things beautiful.  

I love your soul. 

   

M0MENTS

Life is made up from millions of moments.

Good ones and Bad ones.

I’m nothing special for thinking of this.

But I’m not trying to be special.

I’m trying to be real.

I’ve been dealing with moments for what feels like a millennium now.

To me, my memory of the past is like this giant library, one with shelves from the floor to the ceiling; all filled neatly with VHS movies. I can pull one down and remember exactly where it goes and what will happen when I play it.

Then we get to the DVD’s and most of them are really well filled, like my first encounter with God, first Christian relationship, first time serving, I know where all those go and I can put them in order easily, and I remember how each memory ends.

And about halfway through some of these memories you get some reoccurring characters, some that star in some and just appear briefly in others. Sometimes you only get to wish that they had showed up in that moment.

There’s a section of my library, I guess maybe the Blu-ray, where a bunch of films are just laying on the ground, and I mean I remember each one, I just haven’t yet fully understood them.

So I keep watching them,

 trying to make sense of the ending,

trying to guess at what happens in the sequel.

The problem with making a mess of memories, is that it effects your future.

And most the times

you don’t realize the mess you’ve made until you’re trying to clean it up.

I’m learning to love each moment as it comes.

I haven’t yet.

I want to hold so many of them

But just as much as I long for them,

 so do the shelves that were built solely for them.

What im trying to say is that life is filled with so many moments,

And its really hard to enjoy new ones if you’re only paying attention to old ones.

Each moment is only as good or bad as you make it.

Yeah that’s right, you get to make moments.

Some moments are made for us,

But that’s only half the beauty.

If you want to make more,

Simply make them.

Don’t compare them to the ones before

Because all that does is diminish it.

Its moments that make up a lifetime,

So at some point in your life you’ve got to make time for moments.

Stop watching the old ones because they make you laugh or make you cry.

Because you wish the ending was different.

Truth is, a moment that’s past will never come back,

But a moment to come can only last if you let it move to the past.

Moments are only meant to be momentary, and when you try to make them

something that they aren't thats when they fight back.

You have a lifetime of moments ahead of you.

Don’t waste them on the ones behind you.

Make new ones with the people you love,

And love people every moment that you make them.

If you’ve got one moment that you’re holding onto,

And you’re thinking of it right now,

That makes you hurt,

Or makes you happy.

Or makes you happy and then hurt.

L e t   i t   g o.

Holding it only restricts you from going out and making a new one.

I’m not saying give it up.

Or give up on it.

I’m saying 1.) pick it up, 2.) put it on the shelf, and 3.) go make another moment.

and then

Repeat steps 1,2, and 3.

And make sure you do it with the people you love.

Moments are meant to be shared.

And some people are worth more of your moments.

I call this one the double-standard doorbell

The doorbell rings.

I set down my yellow notepad, take off my headphones, and I open the door.

I don't look to see who it is.
Because I already know,
it's the same doorbell with every press,
but her finger has a certain ring to it.

Doors open and in a moment a wave floods through my door,
Like an arroyo being filled with rain.

I let the waters rise.
with each wave that washes over me,
I hear the tiny detests, 
the painful memories,
the has beens,
and should haves.

the would haves.

the debris in the water never bothered me, 
in fact
I kind of liked the way it bumped up against me and I got to be the one to look at it, 
pick it up and make sense of it, 
figure out what it use to be a part of and how it got there.

The waterway that rushed in, covers me completely now 
and I hold my breath, open my eyes and start to swim. 
My hair is floating about enjoying the lack of gravity,
my clothes are heavy but my strength is still sturdy.

I wade and listen to the waters,
listening until they've calmed 
and proceed to exit through the same door they came in through.

The waters gone, but everything's wet.
My clothes cling to me like I am all that exists.


I play in the puddles as I hear the door close,
Look for my notepad but realise it was lost in the waters.


_____________________________________________________________________


I leave my now sodden house I used to call my home, and I walk up to her door.


_____________________________________________________________________

I ring the doorbell,

and no one answers.


A double-standard Doorbell.

Trust me.

Trust me.

Do you trust me?

That simple string of words has an e c h o  to it, doesn't it?

almost like a ripple,
a disturbance in some degree.

There are so many reasons to not trust people,
 to live scared within the walls you've built around yourself.

Within the walls of your fortress of solitude.

If I've learned anything in my mere 20 years on this planet, its that bad shit happens.

and it really doesn't matter.

Don't get it twisted, those experiences are very important.

I got hit with something the other day while driving blindly on Oasis Street
with Cards Against Humanity in my passenger seat,
I was on my way into some doors I thought we're closed,
driving with no idea what was going to be within the doors.

This is what i head:

Sometimes the Lord needs to strip us to remind us who we are,
and what we have in him, more so who we are in him.

He brought us into this world naked and when we get brought back
to that raw state, instead of cursing him,

I began to thank him.

I thanked him not only for who he is, but who I am.
The special person he designed me to be.

I had to stop looking up and staying down, my prayers had been in a place of frustration,
frustrated in what I had lost, and in a moment it clicked. I had not lost anything but my sight.

Nothing in this world compares to what your father in heaven, Abba, has.

I don't just mean his gifts, because yes they are great, and beyond my little minds comprehension. 

I mean simply him.
Who he is.
Getting to know him,

What an honour.

No matter who you lose, what you lose, what you've lost, or what you're losing.
Never lose yourself.

Never give up who you are, 
who you were made to be,
because you lost something, someone, or somewhere in between.

I know it sounds crazy, but no matter what dark place you go into,
the greatest light in the world is actually right there with you.
Acting as a lamp below your feet, guiding you, 
Wherever you run,
However long you hide,

He sees you.
He loves you.
and he is passionately, 
ardently,
avidly,
always,
constantly,
chasing you..

Have peace, and blessings,
my friends.
-
-
-
and oh!
 to tie together my title and come full circle,
~
whatever you're going through,
trust the Lord and that he is working on it for your benefit,
God isn't mad at you, 
he doesn't want to punish you

he wants you and your love.

Whatever it is that is pressing on your heart,

just say,  

       "Hey dad,

i surrender,

have your way,

i give it to you,

i trust you with it,

i believe in your love for me,

i believe in your ability,

and i see who you are,

just as you see who i am,

and i trust you to help me
through this situation,

and i trust that you
have plans of good,

and that you will never
forsake me,

you will never
abandon me,

you have always
chased me,

I love you and
i am so thankful
that you are on 
my side,

my friend,
my father,
my God.

In Jesus name,
amen."

†

Stay up!
Sorry i haven't posted in a  millennium.

Power thoughts at 3 nearly 4 A.M.

Can't sleep still. 

Up praying on things that I must have prayed on at least 10 times just today. 

My mind races like horses, caged and spurred and ready to run as soon as I open the doors. So I keep them shut. I keep the race doors shut so my horses don't fly out frantically. I guess you could say I'm holding my horses. 

The problem is that these horses keep kicking the doors, neighing, demanding I pay attention to them. 

Why?

Who's next?

Was I?

Am I?

When?

Why?

My mind often feels like a race track in which many thoughts are competing to be the one that sways me, the one that wins me over. 

I'm learning that the fastest thought shouldn't always be the one that we act on. 

And I don't mean just the first thought off the line, I mean the first one to recross the line. 

You see,

Normally,

In a race that thought would be the winner, it started with the others and it ran its full circle and came back to me first. 

Sometimes the worst thoughts come to us the quickest. Sometimes the worst thoughts we have, we are the best at having. 

Thoughts are a very powerful thing. 

I've pictured things in my head and feared them, and most all of them have come to be. 

We empower the world around us with our fears and hopes. 

We speak life. 

We speak death. 

Sometimes we just speak.

I'm learning to become aware of when I just speak. I'm trying to pay attention to where my heart is while I'm speaking. 

I love. 

I believe.

I hope. 

I dream. 

I bleed. 

I cry. 

I spit. 

I tire. 

I fear. 

I fight. 

I am real. 

And I will not fade away. 

I am more than just a memory,

And so are you. 

Remember 

Who

You

Are. 

What people see

It's amazing how people see what they want to see. 

It doesn't matter who you are, 

What you do,

The way you do it. 

People see it how they want. 

One thing you do in love can be viewed in hate. 

Their brokenness in life can alter their point of view, because someone did something so hate filled so evil they associate that with others, they see what they want. 

I love hard.

Sometimes I feel like I'm one man up against the world.

I try every single day to do everything I do in love and to be the best person I can be. 

I think that freaks people out. I don't think the world is use to someone who actually gives a damn. 

Well damn it I do. 

I've had people tell me, 

"I never want to be one of those girls who hurt you" 

Or 

"You see this tree in front of me it's just an obstacle, I'm always right there, you've just got to look beyond it." 

And they end up trying to tie a tag around my toe thinking since I'm dead to them I should be dead to me too and planting forests between us telling me to get lost. 

Death isn't a bad thing. I mean I don't crave it, I'm not suggesting it, but it's moving on. From death there is life. 

Sometimes I hold onto things that are dying in my life so hard that I cut my hand with my fingernails and the thing I'm holding has completely disappeared when I open my hand. 

I'm a magician of sorts. 

When all you have with a person is words, it's very easy to be misread.

I doubt a lot of things, I have questioned my faith before, but I know who I am. 

I am Joseph, child of God, a difference maker. 

No one can take that from me. 

My broken heart has been turned in to the lord and he will give me a new one, a better one. 

And trust me I'll break it again, because id rather break my heart a billion times sharing it, than keep it all to myself and not let anyone see the beauty of love.